Episode 118 “Right Man, Wrong Time”

This episode really sucks. Seriously. There are more minutes of HORRIBLE country music than Walker kicking ass so just keep that in mind.

We start of with Walker and Trivette intervening with a man about to jump from a building, which is a complete ripoff from Lethal Weapon. Trivette cockily tries to save the guy but the guy jumps, nearly killing Trivette! Luckily Walker can grab both of them with one hand and pull them up from certain death. I guess it pays to do the extra set of forearm curls in the gym.

Then CD goes on and on about some new country star Merilee, complete with Trivette laughing like some kind of demon, for unknown reasons.

Trivette laughing like a demon

So now we see what this episode is all about when we meet Merilee and her alcoholic ex-husband Wayland. He assaults her, swigs from a bottle, just is a general asshole, so we know where this is going. But for god sake, he better have an elaborate plot or henchmen or something.

Unfortunately, he does not. The episode devolves into country music serenades and Walker making out with this lady. Apparently he forgot all about Alex, whom he supposedly loves, since he totally slips Merilee the tongue. Hooray for continuity! And for god’s sake we even have to listen to Uncle Ray singing and playing the guitar for several minutes in this episode. After I cleaned my vomit up, I noticed that Walker arrested Wayland in their hotel room and actually 1) Didn’t kick his ass and 2) Read him his rights. This goes to show just how terrible this episode is. And not even in a funny way. Other than the fact their are WAY too many leather tassle jackets in this episode since those are pretty sweet.

Walker taps ass and kicks ass

Anyhow, we get to see Walker tuck Merilee’s daughter into bed. This will immediately make the viewer fall into the most comforting deep sleep they have ever felt. I awoke several days later feeling flat out amazing, and that was just from watching the scene. I recommend brushing your teeth and whatever your normal wakeup routine is at this point because about 5 minutes of HORRIBLE country music follow that you should spare yourself from. Luckily, the villain saves our asses by throwing tear gas into CD’s bar and stopping it. Can Walker just kick some ass already?

It just gets worse from here. I don’t know if the tear gas got to me somehow or if it was just this bad but god damn this episode sucks. Walker jumps into Wayland’s car and bitch slaps him, yeah that was cool but it was only  about 10 seconds of action. We witness more of Walker feeling emotional (staring off, he doesn’t share his feelings so fucking leave him alone!) and then we get a gem of a quote. The villain Wayland clearly, and I mean clearly, yells “Quesadilla Bobby!” after he kicks out his buddy Bobby. You know what? I’m back in on this episode!

So they end up chasing Wayland after he bitches out of a gunfight and we aren’t even treated to Walker properly killing him or at the very least seriously crippling him with a roundhouse. He crashes his car into a toll booth after letting Jesus take the wheel.

Wayland says “Jesus take the wheel”

Merilee then dumps Walker. Literally. Read that sentence again. You just don’t fucking do that alright! But he takes it like a complete baller of course, says it’s the wrong time and all but he nearly sheds a tear. I’m feeling pretty emotional at this point for Walker until….all hell breaks loose and Merilee takes the stage with a song dedicated to Walker. CD is going to sing with her. And Trivette on guitar! If they would have put Uncle Ray on tambourines I would have beaten myself to death with my remote. I was near that point.

Inconsiderate jerks! Walker is hurting!

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