Episode 117 “On Deadly Ground”

This episode features Walker taking on the most powerful drug cartel in Mexico. Despite the fact he has no jurisdiction there, has not been investigating the kingpin Durazo, and speaks little Spanish. Problem for Walker? Hell no.

It begins with Walker and Trivette bursting in and breaking up a super secure drug lab. Please note that Trivette looks absurd wearing a $648 sheepskin coat in this scene. Walker promptly throws the coat on an electric fence in a complete prick move. Oddly enough, despite there being about 90 bad guys packed into the facility (which is apparently one room), there is not the epic ass kicking scene one would expect. Instead, Walker calmly shoots one dude and the rest of the guys seem to realize that he is not to be fucked with and give up. Weird.

Next we meet Paco, a DEA agent that Walker inevitably “goes way back with”, despite him never being mentioned before. CD serves them a plate of ribs covered in his “secret sauce” which we can only assume includes some kind of bodily fluid. I will not be eating ribs for some time as a result. Anyhow, Paco and Walker discuss the villain of the day Durazo who runs a Mexican cartel which automatically makes him a scary dude. Walker responds with “jiminy crickets”. Seriously that is as close to swearing as he will get. Walker warns Paco to be careful and Paco says “I can watch my own back.”

Literally in the parking lot leaving CD’s Bar we see Paco being abducted by cartel members. FROM THE BACK! (Everyone knows you need Walker to watch your back!)

A bizarre scene follows where the most annoying character Uncle Ray offers Walker some tea with “secret” ingredients. Unless it includes peyote, I don’t think I’d drink anything with a “secret” juice in if from that old creep.

Walker wearing a pink scarf

Once he hears about the abduction, Walker ignores all international laws and the DEA’s investigation and heads to Mexico wearing a pink scarf to save Paco himself. Mexico is apparently just a cheap set with pinatas, latin music playing, and English speakers, just like I remember it! Walker is hot on the trail of Durazo at this point and is able to track down his new vehicle being purchased at a “Mexican” car dealer. In what I can only say is a bitch move, Walker kicks out the headlights and grille to send a message to Durazo. The message? I’ll mess up your car like you cheated on me.

Guess what’s about to happen?

Soon after, Trivette mysteriously tracks Walker down in Mexico, just in time for both of them to kick the crap out of 6 finely dressed Hispanic Dockers models Durazo’s henchmen. We get to see 9 or 10 roundhouse kicks from Walker here, still donning the pink scarf, so really hold onto your balls for this one.

Walker and Trivette are then easily tracked down by “Cobra” who is actually a hot undercover DEA agent named Maria that was working for Durazo and dresses like she was cast as a biker. All Walker can say to this is “……OK” and that is all you should too. It makes perfect sense. They come up with a plan to get Durazo and free Paco.

Maria takes care of the guard dogs and one guard with some sleeping powder in raw hamburger that the guard eats, which is where I just really lost it. I doubt this is a Mexican delicacy. Who in the hell just grabs some raw ground beef from a plate and eats it?

The plan is for Trivette to use his complete lack of knowledge about explosives to wire about 50 tons of C-4 and a series of guns the size of Hyundai’s to hit the compound. All of this will be controlled by his wristwatch. It works perfectly!¬†Please notice also that the “Mexican” flags here appear to just be a Turkish flag hung upside down.

What’s up with those flags? That’s not Mexico!

Obviously Paco is freed and Durazo gets his ass kicked by both Paco and Walker. I wanted to kick Durazo’s ass myself for saying all of his lines like he was Scarface. The worst Mexican accent I’ve ever heard and I’ve heard hundreds of Mexican impersonators in my day. So all ends well, Paco drives off stealing Durazo’s new car, and Walker is the hero despite being completely out of line. Awesome.

Freeze Frame – Trivette whining about his sheepskin coat


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